Ten Characters from Songs You'd Want to Drink With on St. Patrick's Day
By: Kyle Whaley
Ah, St. Patrick’s day - another excuse for college kids to get fall down drunk on a Thursday morning. How I envy them.
And while I am bitter that my 9 to 5 keeps me from imbibing with the rest of the “Irish for only one day” crowd, I will keep my spirits up by listing the ten characters from songs that I would like to spend St. Paddies with.
"Theme from Cheers" – Titus Andronicus
The kid in "Theme from Cheers" is in it for the long haul. “So give me a Guinness, give me a keystone light. Give me a kegger on a Friday night.” How don’t they sound like a riotous way to spend the 17th? Add in the lines about vomiting in the glow of traffic lights and talking the cops down, and it shapes up to a night well spent.
"The Piano Has Been Drinking (not me)" - Tom Waits
The narrator of "The Piano Has Been Drinking" has found a bar that I’d love to spend the 17th at. When else would you be able to tie one on at a joint with radioactive barmaids? And I’m sure you can get out of a tab when the owner of the joint has the I.Q. of a fence post.
"Lawyers, Guns and Money" - Warren Zevon
The narrator in "Lawyers, Guns and Money" knows how to have a wild time. If a typical night out with him starts with pissing off the Russians and ends with having to hide in Honduras, just imagine what would happen on St. Paddies. You know you’re going to have some pretty epic stories to tell.
"Thrash Unreal" - Against Me!
While the woman at the heart of "Thrash Unreal" is a little bit of a has-been she does have her pluses. For one, she wants to dance and drink all night. Sure she’s a little older than most of the girls at the bar and sure she’s likely to throw up on you, but its par for the course on a day like St. Pats. And as an added bonus, she loves Billy Idol.
"TV Party" - Black Flag
The guys in this song offer a low key angle on things. Why bother going out to risk standing in line for hours to get into a bar only to be over charged and under served? Staying at home with your buddies, drinking beer and watching TV is the cheaper way to spend the 17th.
"Red Right hand" – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
The man with the red right hand would be an ideal drinking pal. Just in case you aren’t able to afford a beer, don’t worry, he’ll get you one. Anything you want, he’ll hook you up. The only downside is that somehow, some way you’re part of his catastrophic plans, but who hasn’t regretted at least one St. Paddies?
"Sorted for E’s and Wizz" – Pulp
I like the fella from this song. It’s always important to be sorted before heading out for the night. I’m sure this dude would get annoying pretty quickly when he’s coming down, but thankfully he might never come down.
'Massive Nights" – The Hold Steady
The song is full of kids that would make for an amazing St. Patrick’s Day bar crawl. Booze hidden in purses, upper drugs, killer playlists, lusty little crushes - this isn’t just a good night out, it’s a massive night out (get it?!).
"Have a Drink on Me" – AC/DC
The narrator of this song is loose with his liquor and looser with his wallet. “So come on and have a good time and get blinded out of your mind” sounds pretty good, but when you add the seemingly never ending request to have one on him - it makes for a great St. Patrick’s Day.
"Losing My Edge" – LCD Soundsystem
There is one reason, and one reason only that I would want to spend an entire St. Paddies day with the narrator from "Losing My Edge": This guy’s been around and has some fantastic stories. There’s nothing he couldn’t talk to you about: Suicide, CBGBs before it was a clothing store, Captain Beefheart, and hanging with Larry Levan. You pair that with a killer record collection, you can be damn sure that the conversation never wears drifts into typical, boring drunk talk.