SoundProof - SoundProof’s Sassy Signs

For some astrology is a way of life. The charts must be consulted before making any major decisions: Will I fall in love today? Will this be a good month to lose weight? Should I buy that car? That house? That lady of the night? Fear not, good readers, we've come up with a foolproof way to know whether your musical tastes are compatible with you. These horoscopes were determined using a variety of methods and sources: polls; fancy instruments for measuring, uh, signage; music compatibility; and a bottle of Wild Turkey.

PERSONALITY: Metal is undeniably the most energetic, intense and adventurous of all the music genres, just like Aries! Confident and enthusiastic, Aries, like metal, loves fun and a good challenge, yet can be extremely impatient, selfish and has a short fuse. Courageous, assertive and egotistical, metal has to be in the spotlight and is highly competitive. Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Pantera, Judas Priest and Motorhead are all about being the biggest and the best in their music world. Not settling for soft sounds, small stages or sparse fan bases, metal, much like Aries, need to take it up a notch every time or else they get bored. Sexually speaking, Aries are all about trying out new things, keeping it wild and has an insatiable appetite that is almost impossible to satisfy. They always want — and get — more. Biting, pulling, thrusting and spanking — metal bands like to perform these on stage and in the bedroom, just like Aries!

Judas Priest

Motorhead

Led Zeppelin

2008 PREDICTIONS FOR METAL: Metal is — and will continue to be — a dominant genre with a vast fan base that can't be topped by other genres. Spanning cultures and continents, 2008 will see just as much metal fanaticism as '07 did. Newer metal bands like Turbonegro and Dillinger Escape Plan will keep the hits coming, while the big players will also continue with their success. Basically, it's same 'ole, same 'ole for this genre in 2008.

More Sassy Signs:

Aquarius

Pisces