V E R S U S

Contenders: Amy Winehouse, the soulful songstress from the UK versus BabyShambles' frontman and Mr. Kate Moss, Pete Doherty.

Battle: Which Brit would take first place in a 30k marathon?

Scenario: It takes a truly dedicated, fit, strong athlete to take on a 30k marathon. Besides peak physical audacity, an ability to defy the odds and having a level of perseverance that most normal human beings don't possess, you've gotta have a little bit of a crazy streak in you to wanna high-kick it through 30 kilometres of body-testing, soul-pushing running. Defy the odds? Perseverance? A bit of a crazy streak? Yup, that's exactly why we've pitted everyone's fave Brit trainwrecks in this month's Battle of the Bands: Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty. In a competition of this magnitude, who would get the gold? Sure, Amy's dad has called Pete a "scumbag" and allegedly attempted to hit him with a guitar. And, yeah, Pete has defended Amy's actions, but when it comes to competition, all's fair in love and war. Place your bets kids, Amy and Pete are about to compete!

Category	Amy Winehouse	Pete Doherty	And the Point Goes to…
Transferable Skills	A singer who is known for her powerhouse voice — and her breakdowns on stage — Amy does have a few skills. She can last hours on stilettos, running from paparazzi, and her neck has yet to break under the weight of her trademark beehive … I stress the 'yet' part. Girl weighs, what? 60 pounds, 45 of which are crack and booze based? Yeah, that's gonna be a handicap in this race!	Leader of the UK pop band, BabyShambles, Pete knows how to stay strong during shows (thanks to the bottle), stay up all night and be the centre of crazy parties. He's a machine. Plus, apparently, he does double-time as a UK heartthrob (I just threw up in my mouth a little). He's former Mr. Kate Moss, too, so he's had the 'razzi pushing him to trot for quite some time now.	Right out of the gate, Pete takes this point! The man is a multi-tasker, and he's been in the celeb game longer than Amy. He's got a potential edge on the girl … let's see if Amy stands a chance in this comp.
Pre-Run Training Routine	Amy is no stranger to running. In fact, when her hubby Blake Fielder-Civil was recently in court for trying to rig a trial, she jogged over to McDee's to get nugget sauce, which she got to him poste haste. Justice never tasted so delicious!	Well, where to start? Pete has done the following: Given weed to penguins at a zoo (for serious). Dangled his lady, Kate Moss, out a window, and even made sex tapes with her. Allegedly stolen cars. Allegedly punched a nurse in rehab … Damn son, slow down!	Pete is getting of to a solid head start. Point goes to him again! He's run from the law so many times, it makes Amy's current drug-related tangle with the law look like a milk and cookies pre-teen party. Plus, she's currently in rehab, so it's gonna be hard for her to train.
Nutrition and Diet	Okay, so we know Amy at the very least visits McDee's. Mind you, she loves her substances and her skeletal physique is concerning. You need muscle to run, baby! Oh, and then there's the booze. Oh, God, the booze. The girl worships the bottle. Father, brother, secret lover: that's what alcohol is for Amy.	Pete, Pete, Pete. Like, every time I see this dude in pictures or on the telly, he's got a cig in hand, his mouth is on a bottle of whisky and his persona is looking like the spectre of death. He's a miracle of the human body: dude should be long dead by now, considering how much substance abuse he's been noted for.	Amy, you're back in the game! Mind you, by default. Pete has a way worse intake than her, so while she may be skeletal and on drugs, at least she's early in the game. We're all waiting for Pete, on the other hand, to OD. Seriously, how many times has he been in court cus of drugs?
Coaches	This is gonna be close. Amy's hubby is known for spurring on Amy's behaviour, but he's still hoping she will get clean from her $1000-a-day drug habit. Blake's behind bars though, and she's in rehab ("No, no, no!"), so it's gonna be challenging for them to meet up for training. God bless the invention of Walkie Talkies! And crack! (Okay, that was a cheap shot . . . )	It's hard to beat Kate Moss. Sure, they broke up, but I bet she'd come back to help him train! Face it: the girl is hot to trot, a rare Brit beauty, who has her own clothing line at Top Shop, a long modelling career that survived a public debacle over her blow use and she seems to genuinely love Pete. Who else can get him to the finish line?	Since Pete and Kate both have gone on to get engaged to others, there's a strong chance Kate won't be his coach. In her stead, he'd hire one of the penguins he gave dope to. Even from behind bars, Amy's hubby will be more inspirational, hence point goes to Winohouse, er, Winehouse!
Endurance Levels	Amy's not a quitter; we'll give her that. You'll have to pry the bottle from her thin, sharp fingers before she gives it up willingly. Plus, she knows what rigorous touring and performing is all about. The girl has a successful album out right now and has real musical talent! There's no denying her when it comes to the essentials! The only thing that will slow her down on the last leg will be her need for a shot.	Well, Pete just keeps coming back for more. Like, how many times has this crazy bastard been hauled into court on drug charges? Plus, he's managed to create a music 'career' for himself. Mind you, I think the girls who find him hot are the same ones buying his albums. Okay, Brit blokes aren't hot, but c'mon! You don't see us gals across the pond drooling over garbage bags full of AIDS, do you? (It's okay, I read to orphans today. Comment karma averted!)	It was close on this one, but it's gotta go to Pete. Amy's really only on her first bouts of crazy, whereas Pete has eased his way past many, many fiascos and debacles, and he still comes back for more. I'm starting to think he's some sort of sophisticated substance-fuelled cyborg made to look like a drugged-out man-child. Far fetched, I know, but you explain this dude's endurance levels to me!
Friends & Family Support	Amy's parents are clearly strong, responsible adults. They have gotten their kid into rehab, which could see Amy come back stronger and better than ever! Mind you, her parents-in-law called for a boycott of her albums via BBC Radio5, to send the message that "her addiction and behavior are not acceptable." So it's a toss-up, really, for Amy.	Does Pete have parents? I've always been under the assumption that he was brought up by a pack of sewer rats. Mind you, he's a true gent: he's publicly backed Amy in her struggles with substance abuse, which is surprising. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer? I wouldn't put it past him! That or it's just sympathy pains …	Point goes to Pete yet again! The dude is a true sportsman. Not only does he wish his competitors well, but he's also all about keeping things clean. Haha, clean, okay, you know I mean the marathon clean, right? Although I wouldn't be surprised to see Pete sharing his drugs with her mid-race.
Making It to the Finishing Line with Pizzazz	The hardest part of a race is that last leg. Will Amy make it? She couldn't seem to make it through her last shows before rehab without getting booed by the crowd, so that doesn't bode well for her. But if the race is post-rehab, then she'll have an edge on Pete. Plus, if she beehives back to her platinum locks, runs with her head forward like a charging ram, well, it could make a great photo-finish!	Pete is due for a downfall soon; let's face it. It's only a matter of time he collapses or they find him under a bridge sharing Jesus juice with hobos. However, he always seems to pull through, and I sense he would do it once again here. I would put my money on Pete; I won't lie to you.	Point to Amy purely for the mental picture I have of her jogging in high heels, whipping nugget sauce at Pete, while charging forward to victory with that beehive of hers. It's pretty glorious. Her ability to dumbfound people with her amazing appearance would stop other runners in their tracks! Good job, Amy, this point is yours!

Winner: Congratulations, Pete! You get the first-place ribbon! You've survived hardcore substance abuse and alcoholism while dragging Kate Moss down with you, and you'll be damned if a wee little marathon is gonna slow you down! Heck, running from the law so often only goes to show that the man may be the spectre of death, but he's got the legs of a cheetah! Amy, better start training for next year's 30k rematch! We suggest that next time you leave the nugget sauce and stiletto heels behind in favour of a pair of kicks and a clean bloodstream.